PlayStation 1
Released in 1996 by Psygnosis
Grade: C-
This game is a RIOT! I think a developer lost a bet. His penalty was that he had to throw some really dumb crap into a game he was working on, and he thought…
“I’m working on, what’s this, Adidas Power Soccer? Hmm, sounds like trash already. If I gotta screw up a game, it’ll be this one.”
Maybe not, but the real story can’t be much stranger.
Where it falls in the series
There was a followup Adidas Power Soccer 98, which looks different but not any better.
Praises and gripes
You know something is up when even the loading screen doesn’t look right. Seriously, check it out:
After that, pick your generic version of a European pro team, and don’t get too picky, because you’ll be in black and purple uniforms anyway. Yeah, for some reason, A LOT of teams will ditch their usual colors and show up in black and purple to avoid looking too much like the other team.
Also, don’t forget to choose your controls. I bet you’ll have fun trying to figure out what each button does, marked by a tiny blinking light (or sometimes nothing) on the SPINNING controller design on the screen:
Boy, that controller screen is a hoot, but it did reveal something interesting: to “run” in this game, you need to … hold Square … and Circle? Otherwise, you walk. That’s literally what the game calls it.
Despite all this walking going on, the gameplay is fast and arcadey. The players move with a jumpy, digital quality. The default camera is uncomfortably close in. In fact, it moves in and out at the most inopportune times, limiting your view of the field right when you need it. And every other camera is TERRIBLE!
The passing controls are touchy, with a hard-to-spot fine line between “nice, gentle pass” and “blasting the ball somewhere near a teammate but probably to the other team.” The auto switching on defense isn’t tuned right at all, making defense a bigger struggle than it should be.
Goalies magically snatch laser shots from point blank range, and it’s kinda like watching an alligator murder a pigeon in some nature video. But at least the goals seem fair and well-earned when they do happen.
Halftime gives you a moment to relax (your thumbs are probably tired from that weird Square and Circle running control) and take in the artistry and class of NOT ONE, BUT TWO ADIDAS COMMERCIALS! Jeez, it’s not enough to charge $50 for a crap game, Psygnosis cashed in on ADVERTISING?
And the second commercial is for goalie gloves! You know, those pieces of soccer equipment 9.1% of soccer players wear? Maybe goalie gloves were the hot fashion item for scarf-wearing soccer hipsters back in the 90s or something.
The game actually isn’t the worst, fast, simple, old school. It can be fun, but it’s the kind of fun that makes you think, “When this is over, I’ll appreciate having a normal reality back.”